Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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