May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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