I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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