If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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