It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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