I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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