you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
