man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
