11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i think my cat just said my name.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
