I met the friendliest cop last night
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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