do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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