Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
