What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Damn victory sex feels great
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
