i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
