He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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