Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I deserve this hangover.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
