I love black thongs
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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