you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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