I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's never too late to be topless.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
