i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
