i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
