I can feel you judging me through the phone.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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