You don't have asthma, your pregnant
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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