I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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