The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
