I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
