just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
there's paper in my vomit.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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