Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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