i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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