i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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