One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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