He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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