3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
