thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
