marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
