My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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