You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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