apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
