Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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