Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
