The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
