the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
