I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
