you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
