An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
