I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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