But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
