I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
