Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
