whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
