"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
