glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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