I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
