Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
