im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
