I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
