I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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