i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
