Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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