I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
