Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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