I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
