it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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