The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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